She rubs the scanning thing on my balls. Instant boner. In my defense, she is really good-looking.
How do you disguise yours?
Journalism with a twist!
Some of you will be horrified that I can gain so much pleasure from something which, for you, is embarrassing and uncomfortable. I like it when you get public erections. I like to watch the fabric stretching as your eyes wander around, trying to settle on something — anything — you can concentrate on to make this go away. I like to whisper inappropriate words to you across the table at dinner, encouraging you to grow hot and bothered. I used to go out with a guy who had a shoulder-slung man-bag for exactly these occasions. No one would see his public erections but me. It reminds me of teenage boys. With their haircuts and their impenetrable pop-culture references and their heartbreaking, humiliating youth. But when I was a teenager myself, teenage boys were the most fascinating thing in the world. But above all I loved spotting that gentle rearrangement, that shuffling motion, as they draped a t-shirt or a sweater over their crotch to hide an uncomfortable public boner.
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My cousin looks really hot when she is crying. On Auschwitz. In sweatpants. I got points off for facing the board the entire time. Better than the alternative. I was downstairs waiting for my dad, because he sent me out for some reason or another. Totally random, as is normal at that age. I ended up going into a single, lockable bathroom and jerking into the toilet. Took me all of 45 seconds, but the shame has lasted ever since. The doctor was a very attractive young female, and during an exam had to undo my belt to better test for sensitivity.
In some places they're super useful, such as the bedroom, or an airplane bathroom. But they've also been known to show up in decidedly inconvenient and unsexy places, with little more than a light brush or a rumbling car setting you on a path to awkward, unwanted engorgement. No one wants a sudden pocket rocket to cause ignorant, wandering eyes to view them as some kind of pervert. Luckily, a little know-how and maneuvering can help you keep your pants party hidden in pretty much any situation. Where to use it : The most inappropriate places for an erection to exist: funerals, bar mitzvahs, kids' birthday parties.